January 18th 2025
January 18th, 2025
It's 2025, not 2024. I need to retype that and scribble out the 4 every time it seems. I’ll be doing this until, oh, probably october. It is a saturday night here at Marble Point, well, it's a saturday night in many places of the world, I just happen to be at Marble Point for this one. The sun beams through the window and if you look closely there are waterfalls pissing down from the wilson piedmont glacier. I can hear it when I step outside. It is so loud. Of course, there is the part of me that is drawn to it, but there is also the part of myself that I do not adore as much, that wants to stay home tonight, to be comfortable, to go to sleep early instead of reaching out into this wilderness?
There are days when I am incredibly grateful that this is even an option, to be here, typing on my computer. Actually, no, scratch that. I feel a sense of guilt when I bid going outside to type into the pixels of this computer that will indeed be here tomorrow, the next day, the day after that and all of the years following. I tell myself it is ok because tomorrow is Sunday and I am going on a long run to meet somebody I have only ever emailed and talked to twice on the phone. I tell myself that I am resting tonight so that I am not tired tomorrow for the twenty mile run. How pathetic?! Who am I? Resting for a night so that I’m not “tired” for a little run tomorrow. I feel that I have abandoned myself in a place of continuous glory and awe.
What is it that makes my feet turn into blocks of concrete strapped to my ankles when I step outside this door tonight? I know that I want to go out? Do I? What is the draw to self loathe inside this place that I can spend literally all day in. I can sneak away during work hours to write this document but I can not sneak away to go feel the waterdrops pelting my head flowing down from a thirty mile wide glacier. I can't do that during my ten hour work day and I will not be able to do that once I leave here in less than thirty days. Does it seem wrong that I am counting down the days until I leave this paradise of a place?